Rude Christmas Books & Gifts

Christmas is for giving, and nothing gives quite like watching a grown adult unwrap a children's book, start reading it aloud, and slowly realise what they're holding. If your family does polite candles and bath sets, this page is not for you. If your family films nan opening presents, welcome home.

The festive books

Santa's Sack is the flagship. Santa's sack is full to the brim and he needs to empty it before the big night. It's about presents, obviously. £12.99, and available signed.

Mum's Christmas Wish answers the eternal question of what mum actually wants for Christmas. It is not skincare. The perfect gift for the mum who laughs at things she shouldn't.

Christmas gift boxes

Want the wrapping done for you? The Merry Titmas and Merry Dickmas boxes bundle books and merch into one festive parcel of filth. One for her, one for him, both technically about birds and nothing else.

Secret Santa sorted

Every book is £12.99, which slides neatly under most office budgets, and the mugs start at £6.99. Safe bets that have never once been safe: My Best Friends Are Balls, Fisting, and the A to Z Collection for the colleague who needs a full education. The whole arsenal lives in the Secret Santa collection.

Order deadlines

Standard orders ship within 2 to 3 business days by Royal Mail. Signed copies need an extra 7 days because I sign every one by hand, and personalised books take up to 7 days to make. If you want a signed or personalised book under the tree, order by early December and you're golden. UK shipping is free over £25, worldwide free over £30.

Still browsing? Start with the best sellers and work your way down the naughty list.