Funny LGBTQ+ Gift Books (Checked Against the Manuscripts)

Plenty of shops put a rainbow on the June table and call it a gift guide. I went back through my own manuscripts and checked which books have queer leads, which are queer if you squint, and which are about a butcher called Simon, and this is the list.

I read them back with a highlighter, so the books below have a queer story in them and the ones that are pure innuendo with a straight couple at the end stayed off. That leaves ten books, and I stand behind each one.

Each title is a 24 to 31 page square paperback at £12.99, drawn like a children's book and written like a late-night group chat. Between them my books have had 190 million views on social, and the LGBTQ+ ones get the most shares. All of them live in the LGBTQ+ Funny Books collection.

The Simon, Stuart and Lance universe

Three men keep turning up across four books, and at this point I have to admit they are a franchise. Simon's Sword introduces Simon, who has a sword and is desperate for a sword fight. Gobble My Sausage gives him a butcher's shop where everyone loves his meat until, without warning, they stop. Coming follows Lance, who comes here, there and everywhere and ends up in therapy about it. Fisting is Stuart's book: he fist bumps everyone he meets, it has become a problem, and it is one of my best sellers.

Read them in any order. The three of them wander in and out of each other's stories like neighbours in a soap, and buying all four gets you the box set for less than a night out in Soho. Simon's Sword also comes as a personalised edition at £25, with a name of your choice on the sword.

The lesbian titles

• My Beaver Hates Wood. Wood isn't everyone's cup of tea and this beaver knows what she likes. I wrote it with those people in mind, as a follow-on of sorts to My Beaver Loves Wood, and it has outsold my expectations twice over.
• Scissoring. Maria is a gifted crafter who scissors with a few others but longs for a scissor partner for life. A love story, with paper.

The gay ones, and the gay-coded ones

• Can You Open My Backdoor?. He cannot get his own backdoor open and someone has to help. The title does most of the work at a party and the pages do the rest.
• Polish My Ring. Our man has a rusty, dirty ring and needs it polished. I keep quiet about who does the polishing, and readers have drawn their own conclusions.
• My Extra Bone. Skeleton Sam has an extra bone and wants to give it away. The Halloween one, and the one to buy for the straight mate who claims nothing shocks him.
• The 69 Club. My 69th book, about a club for the elite. Everyone is welcome to apply, and the membership reflects that, which is why it sits in this collection rather than the hen do one.

The bundle

Out & Proud: The LGBT+ Collection puts six of the most talked-about titles in one box for £45.99, which comes in cheaper than buying them one at a time and spares you the maths at checkout. It clears free delivery, UK and worldwide, on its own.

How to give it

Give it in person. These books are built for the reveal, the moment the recipient turns a page and realises the sword is a sword and also not a sword. Birthdays work, and a housewarming for a couple who have moved in together works better, because two people will fight over who reads it first and the loser has to do the voices.

Two books tip you over £25 for free delivery. Standard orders leave in 2 to 3 business days.

I sell signed copies of every title here from this site and nowhere else, and Simon's Sword is on the personalised list, so the sword can carry any name you like.