Funny Perimenopause Gifts for the Friend Who Is Running Hot

Your friend has a desk fan in October, a temper she cannot account for and a memory that files the car keys in the fridge. Buy her a picture book about it and let her laugh at the thing that has been laughing at her.

I wrote Peri-Normal Activity for the woman who has stood in front of an open freezer for reasons unrelated to dinner. Each book below is a 24 to 31 page square paperback at £12.99, and all of them sit in the Hormones & Havoc collection with the rest of the hot-flush canon.

The two that name the problem

Peri-Normal Activity: A Tale Of The Perimenopause is a haunting. Things move in the night, the temperature changes from room to room, and the woman in the middle of it has no idea what possessed her. It reads like the horror film it is named after, with better one-liners and a more sympathetic ghost. Give it to the friend who has started sleeping with one leg outside the duvet.

The Bloody Fairy Godmother comes armed with a tampon wand, pockets full of pads and enough paracetamol to see out an apocalypse. She is the worst fairy godmother in the business and she visits on her own schedule, which in perimenopause means whenever she likes and for however long she fancies. For unserious women only, as the cover says.

The ones about a body doing its own thing

• Mum's Great Tits. A book about birds, and nothing else, as I am obliged to say. For the friend who has gone up two cup sizes without asking to and would like a word with whoever is in charge.
• Breastfriends. Boobs, tits, breasts, whatever she calls them, this book is about them. I am 97% sure she will like it. The other 3% read it aloud all the same.
• My Fat Pussy. Life with a fat cat, told with sympathy. One of my best sellers, and the book that turns up in more kitchen-table photos next to a large glass of wine than any other title I have written.
• Flicking The Bean. Chef Eugene and his team become the talk of the town for their bean-flicking skills. Libido goes wherever it likes at this stage, and this book cheers it on in either direction.

A word on laughing through it

Perimenopause has a habit of turning up before anyone has explained it, and the leaflets at the GP are grim reading. A rude picture book on the bedside table turns the hot flush into a shared joke, and once three of you are laughing at the same desk fan nobody feels singled out. The women I know who cope best text each other the worst symptom of the week and compete for the title, and a book like this gives them a scorecard.

None of this replaces a doctor, HRT or a good pillow. It sits alongside them, next to the fan. Each book takes less time to read than a hot flush takes to pass, which I consider a design feature.

How to give it

Post it with a note, because the point is that she opens it alone, laughs, and then rings you to read the best page down the phone. Two books tip the order over £25 and past £25 delivery is free, UK and worldwide, so Peri-Normal Activity and The Bloody Fairy Godmother make the natural pair. If she is a friend you see every week, hand it over in the pub and make her read the first page before her drink arrives.

If you are the one running hot, buy two and keep one. Standard orders leave in 2 to 3 business days.

I sell signed copies of every title here from this site and nowhere else, and lots of my books can carry her name through the story as a personalised edition, which she will pretend to be annoyed about.