Funny Gifts for Dad Who Says He Doesn't Want Anything
Dad has said "don't get me anything" every Christmas since 2009, and every Christmas someone panics and buys him socks. Buy him a picture book about his deck and watch him read it aloud to the whole table before anyone has carved.
Each of my books is a 24 to 31 page square paperback that looks like it came off a nursery shelf and reads like it came out of the pub. Between them they have clocked 190 million views on social, a good share of those from people filming their dad's face on page three. Every title below lives in the Funny Gifts for Dad collection, and all of them cost £12.99 unless I say otherwise.
Start with the one named after him
Dads Deck is the obvious opener. Dad loves having people on his deck, winter has left it withered and crumbling, and he wants it back in tip-top shape. Any man who owns a pressure washer will feel seen.
If he has a bigger appetite, The Dad Pack bundles three titles for £29.99, clears free delivery on its own and saves you choosing. I put it together because dads read one, laugh, and ask if there are more.
For the dad with a shed
- Graham The Gardener: Trims A Neat Bush. Graham has a loyal run of female customers and a steady hand with the shears. Ideal for the dad who describes his borders at length to anyone who stands too close.
- Uncle Joe's Hoe. Joe takes great care of his hoe and lends it out to the neighbours. Pair it with Graham and he has a full gardening shelf.
- Ron's Rocket. Ron has a lovely rocket and everyone wants a ride on it. For the dad who built a model aircraft in the garage in 1994 and brings it up at weddings. There is a sequel, Voyage To Uranus, once he is hooked.
For the dad who does the cooking
Meat & Two Veg is a romp through manhood and the misunderstood magic of what's down below, from the same pen as My Best Friends Are Balls. This is the one for the dad who mans the barbecue in February in a coat.
Andy's Salty Nuts follows a nut connoisseur and his little stall. People come back for his nuts every day and they cannot get enough. Give it to the dad who puts a bowl of them out at Christmas and guards it like a border.
For the dad who has heard every joke
- My Big Clock. James has a clock so big it makes him walk funny, and he sends pictures of it to his mates. For the dad who checks his watch during your speech.
- A-Z of Balls. He knows the alphabet. This version will be new to him. Twenty-six letters of balls, illustrated, for the dad who has coached under-9s football since before you were born.
- Barry The Beaver Photographer. Barry photographs beavers of all sizes on his way to an award. For the dad with a camera bag on every walk and a hard drive full of wildlife.
- Snip Happens. The vasectomy book, part of the My Best Friends Are Balls series. If your dad has had the snip and mentions it at dinner, this is his book. If he hasn't, it's a hint from Mum.
How to give it
Wrap it like a hardback. The square shape and the bright cover pass for a children's book until he opens it, so the reveal does the work for you. Hand it over in front of an audience, Nan included, and let him read the first page out loud before he knows what he is holding.
Two books tip you over £25, and past £25 delivery is free in the UK, Europe and the USA (£40 everywhere else). Standard orders leave within 2 to 3 business days. Dad has enough socks.
I sell signed copies of every title here from this site and nowhere else, and lots of my books can carry his name through the story as a personalised edition.