The Rude Secret Santa Gift Guide: Funny Gifts Under £15

Secret Santa has two possible outcomes. Either your gift gets a polite smile and joins a drawer of scented candles, or the whole office stops what it's doing to watch someone read a children's book about balls. This guide is for people aiming at the second outcome.

Everything below is under £15, which fits the office budget, and everything below has been opened at a real office party with consequences I've heard about in the fan mail.

The books (£12.99 each)

Santa's Sack. Santa's sack is full and he needs to empty it before Christmas Eve. Festive, seasonal, and guaranteed to be read aloud by the third mulled wine.

My Best Friends Are Balls. The book that started it all, with over 190 million views of people reacting to it. If your recipient hasn't seen it on TikTok, they're about to become the video.

Fisting. It's about fist bumps. It says so right there in the book. The last line alone has been quoted in more office kitchens than any appraisal target.

Spit or Swallow? A book of important questions, none of which should be answered in front of HR.

Mum's Christmas Wish. For the colleague who is also a mum and deserves better than another candle.

The mugs (from £6.99)

Mugs are the classic Secret Santa fallback, so make the fallback count. Snip Happens for the recently snipped, Need a Bone? for the dog person, and It's Not Gonna Suck Itself for whoever runs the morning meeting.

The rules of rude Secret Santa

Know your audience. There's a colleague who will frame Fisting and a colleague who will report it, and mixing them up is a career decision. Check the budget before you fall in love with a bundle. And order early: standard delivery is 2 to 3 business days, but signed copies need an extra week because I sign each one myself.

The full arsenal, including things too rude for this list, lives in the Secret Santa collection. UK shipping is free over £25, so two books and a mug ships itself. Go and win the gift exchange.